Viet Ham

You may be asking, “What the hell is a Viet Ham?”

Well, it is a kind of ham, made usually of pork..oh what the heck, this is the internet, here, go here for a definition. But more importantly, I chose Viet Ham because it makes my wife cringe each time I point it out at the Asian supermarket.

“Would you like a little Vietnamese ham?” I’d ask her, knowing she’ll think it were some double entendre. Oh yeah, she’s white and it’s mystery meat in the shape of a cylinder, that is wrapped in banana leaf, so the apprehension is understandable.

But honestly, Viet Ham is actually how I view the conundrum that is my cultural identity in America. Sure, I can be deep too. Instead of opting for the usual “banana” or “twinkie” analogy of a yellow person who feels white inside, etc, I don’t feel like I’m a white person, or Americanized. Being married to a white person really accentuates my Asianness (is that a word?) actually. So I think of myself more as a combination of lots of things, like a Vietnamese ham, but ultimately, always Vietnamese, and inevitably subject to the white gaze that says, “what the hell is a Viet ham?”

Oh and the other thing is that I think Asian men, and here, I’ll only speak for Vietnamese men have had a really sorry cultural presence in America. Other than some Dat Nguyen NFL player guy, there’s really no positive press at all about Vietnamese men other than watching the World Series of Poker, but com’on if that’s all we have to brag about, that’s just sad.

So…I’m going to rectify* that whenever I can. You’ll notice that I’ve created a category called “Evidential Ham.” Go here for positive stories about Vietnamese males that will make you immediately recognize the answer to this question:

Did you know that Vietnamese men are one of the most sought-after in the world?

*Some of you may realize this site is farcical in nature, so please don’t take it personally.